everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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