So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
time to smoke my breakfast
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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