my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize