Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
