I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
