I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
