i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry about my life...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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