Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Are my feet made of real feet?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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