I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
