Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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