I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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