is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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