I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
