Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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