I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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