tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
