Just cropdusted the office
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
