it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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