Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
