So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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