i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want nice things and good sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
