i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
