Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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