Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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