i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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