I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
