last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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