yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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