I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize