dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The air taste purple.
Randomize