She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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