There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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