My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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