Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
