Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
