you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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