First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
