He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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