Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
