Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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