i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
