My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
