It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
