You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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