youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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