I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
