Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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