i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no, he came in my armpit
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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