I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Its about making memories worth repressing
that's an acceptable place to lick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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