and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
