I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
