so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
