I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
