Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
