And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
