he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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