And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
