bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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