Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.