Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
