You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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