I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.